I have mixed emotions. Sad for him, but happy we are doing what my mother asked. Excited to be in her house, at Christmas, to go through her belongings, to feel a little closer to her and have some momentos. I am very sad and scared, as well, I could cry at the thought of entering her home- yet I smile at knowing I will be doing it with my brother and sister. Worried Jim doesnt destroy or take the things of hers that mean the most to us. Happy to be taking this long awaited step, sad that it kind of makes this all more final...its like I cant wait, yet I am totally dreading it!
Most of all I miss her. I think about her alot. The other day I was making a list of my family and friends - beside it I was writing what I wanted to get them or make them for Christmas. I paused...and thought about my mom- that I wasnt going to be bringing her a gift or mailing her a package- she loved our gifts. So, I wrote Mom down then wreath. I am going to craft a wreath for her grave. I never thought that was what my present to my mother would be...you just dont think that way, but it is. So, this Christmas I get to visit her grave...so leave it up to me to decorate it huh!! And I get to have time in her home- time that is long over due.
I truly believe God has blanketed me with Grace over the years. I am calm in knowing He has this all worked out, each step. I pray that this gives me some closure and strengthens the peace I already feel.
I also pray for my sister and brother and that the house sells quickly!
