Sad News

I debated about writing this. But my blog is a dairy to me, almost therapy, a way of communicating...mainly because I am so horrible at it! Also, I have alot of people I need to talk too and this is an easy way to do it...though I am unsure if it will all make any sense... but here it goes:

On Saturday, June 21st at 3:39pm, my mother, at age 56, took her last breath. She was surrounded by her three children, our husbands, my aunt who is a nurse and her best friend, Peggy. She went peacefully and without pain.

I barely left her side from 8am Wed....on- it was so tough to let go of her even after her death. The four days I had with her were such a blessing, truly God sent. She was unable to move her arms or legs, but she was able to communicate with blinks and an occasional smile, word or laugh. She giggled at all of our jokes, smiled at the music we played, cried after we read to her, laughed at our memories we shared, chuckled at all the photos (that we blew up to 8X10's to show her through her slightly closed eyes) All of these moments we will never forget and we will cherish forever. I was so tired, but I had such energy to pour into her, we all did...she loved it! She loved the slumber parties we had, the stories we told, how we painted her nails her favorite color purple, the pictures and crafts the grandkids made for her, the friends and our kids that talked to her on the phone..though she couldn't respond, she heard everything that was said...

It was a blessed week, but absolutely the toughest week and moments of my life. Seeing my mother 71 pounds, weak and helpless...her sad eyes weeping. Watching her move her mouth thinking she was talking, trying so hard to communicate, struggling to move and muster a sentence. We were saying prayer after prayer trying not to cry- again...seeing my brother and sister cry harder then I have ever seen. Making decisions to end my mothers life/pain...dealing with her horrible ex-boyfriend...caring for her needs, not falling asleep because you are scared her air mask would fall off and if you did, no doubt an alarm would sound for some reason. Hearing stories about my childhood I never knew..watching her struggle and gasp with every breath, wondering if that was it...My stomach was so hungry but I couldn't eat, showering wasn't in the picture, my eyes ached from all the tears, my throat was always full of lumps from crying, my back hurt from the chairs in ICU..but never ever letting go of her frail hand- because we promised, we promised.

I learned so many life changing things....the true meaning of courage, alot about my mother I never knew, how much I loved my siblings, how amazing my husband was when I thought he couldn't get any better, the ache of missing my own boys miles away while my own mother was dying, how strong my older sister is, and how my older brother really aches, how helpful my younger sister can be, how dedicated to my mother and us my aunt was-the strength of family, the pain of being in the receiving line of my own mothers funeral, the importance of all of my awesome friends that took care of me and of my sister at my home with the boys daily, the importance of being a good mother and loving my husband daily, the unconditional and unjudgemental love of Chad, how real death is when you witness someones last breath, the power of prayer and peace...but most of all- life is to short..all of a sudden the big things in life just aren't so big anymore.

Since I have been home, I have felt an array of feelings...but one thing I can say is I am a changed person- wife, mother, friend, and sister. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support and complete understanding...you amaze me (and i really didnt have to call anyone!) - from the calls (all hours), cards, gifts, flowers, meals, the visit/talk until 1:30am, love, babysitting, hugs....but most of all the prayers- when she died,when my mother left this earth to be with our Lord in Heaven- I felt your hugs around me and most of all your prayers.

For now, its day by day...trying to handle my emotions and my families- I appreciate my friends and family that are keeping me busy, making sure I keep my head up, watching me for depression, I love you all and I cannot, cannot thank you enough- during a very very hard time, you have shown me what love is, thank you, thank you, thank you.

And to you mom, because I know you are watching over me

I love you so much..

right now I can't imagine the day I may stop crying so much

I cant imagine visiting your grave

I cant imagine not being able to call you

I had no idea this would be so hard...

Thank you for all you did do for me,

thank you for a beautiful 4 days

I will miss you every day of my life

Mom, I am so happy for you, that you are in Heaven, living the life you deserve.

Your daughter, Melissa

My sister Julie is......

Engaged!! I am so excited!

My little sister and Jamie, her boyfriend of 6 years, got engaged in Baltimore last Saturday night! I cannot tell you how happy I am for them. They are thinking of having the wedding in the summer of 2009. And I am so blessed to be the maid of honor...Julie is already starting to give me a to list!




Myself and all of my brothers and sisters except Sean (so the 4 of us...) got to hang out together all day Monday and Tuesday.....we had a lot of fun together-we all really needed it. We got to go to the pool, shop, have dinner at WWC and go to Just Java. As you can see, in the picture, Brayden was pooped....as am I!




Love you all~Melissa

We are back!

We had a great time at Nags Head!
We took so many photos, I didnt know which ones to post! So here is
a few:

We missed you all, Melissa

Happy Father's Day Chad!

Chad woke up on his Father's Day in Nags Head. I had a cup of coffee and this picture of the boys on his nightstand for him. I came inside from my quiet time...just as Bray woke up. He was so adorable when he saw Chad, he jumped on him in bed with a huge hug yelling, Happy Daddy's Day.



We had a wonderful Father's Day lunch in Williamsburg. All of the boys (Chandler, Noah and Bray) were on their best behavior. It was so nice to sit with our family, talk about the wonderful week we had and count our blessings.


After we went to a small amusement park. The boys (including daddy) had a great time.
Noah was so tall, he got to ride more then Chandler, but he handled it very well...they did a great job compromising! And little Bray, rode his first roller coaster! He loved it!











We stopped in Richmond to get some groceries for Chad's special Father's Day dinner and some snacks for my sister and her family that would be arriving later that night....Between our nags head luggage, toys and groceries, I could barely see the boys in the car, but they were all happy as can be!

Once we got home, we had a great time playing outside. Then we all had a nice dinner on the deck...then.... it was present time!! We made Chad a picture frame with these pictures:






We also made him a cigar box. The outside had a picture of his hand with the boys, inside Chandler wrote Chad a poem about a Daddy's Hand (it made Chad cry!) He also got a gift certificate for shoes and a britta water filter....pics are below.

I think Chad had a good day. I hope he saw/realized how much we all love and adore him.He is the rock of this family...a wonderful dad and husband, my best friend. I am so grateful for him, my boys and the life we have. I love you Chad and I love the way you love us, thank you today and always.



And last but not least....Happy Father's Day to my dad....who got to golf with my grandpa all day..oh, and he golfed the entire time with split pants..wish I had a picture of that!

~Melissa

TWO awards in ONE weekend

Chandler finished his spring major league baseball season on Friday night. His coach gave him a medal, he was so proud. They will be handing out awards and trophies on Sunday, which we will miss...because we are headed to the beach. He had a great game. His friend Nick and Nanny Carolyn were there. The coaches have been wanting Chandler to pitch for awhile. So, he finally did and did AWESOME! HE struck out all three players, not the outfield. Two players made it to bases, but never made it home. So the inning he pitched, there were no home runs, they didn'd score. Which is amazing for your first time pitching. I am so proud of him! Go, Chandler!

This morning, Brayden had his last soccer. It was tough for him to participate because it was so hot...but once he heard he was getting an award like big brother, he hustled! When the coach called his name, he was so excited, his first trophy!...but the best part for him was the sucker she gave him with it!

My boys, growing up! Love you all, talk to you when we return! ~Melissa

Today I cried several times....

This morning when I woke up Brayden had made me his first present....that he created, all my himself.

He hid in Chandler's closet and made it...when he was finished, he ran to me so fast he almost fell. He handed it to me, screaming "present for mommy, present for mommy"...jumping up and down, full of excitement. So I slowly opened up the balled up tissue paper and inside was a piece of silver ribbon...then he screamed "surprise mommy"!! I just balled, sobbed...how sweet and genuine- to him it was the best gift ever. How lucky am I, to have just a joyous grateful child...I never thought a piece of ribbon could mean so much. Here is a picture:

So, on my way to Chandlers school this morning, I cried again...thinking - I am actually on my way to my other son's LAST day of 4th grade. And he is almost 10 years old...Lord, can you bring him back to the days when he would shrill with excitement over a present for me that was a ribbon, running to "mommy"? Can you please?

The day at school was fun, his class played a human chest game. We had a big ice cream sundae party. The entire time, Chandler took such good care of Brayden, despite friends trying to play with him. You can see, the girls in the class were really into Bray too. Chandler had a friend come home with him, so leaving and saying good bye to his classmates wasn't to tough. I think it was worse for me.

While leaving the school, I ran into a close friend...about to face a very very tough period in their lives...trying to be strong on the outside and I could tell she was dying on the inside. She was thanking me for all I have done for her lately, - thanking me? So, I just got in my car, with my new 5th graders, and just cried. You want to help your friends, take their pain away...but one thing I do know, is God answers prayers, He has the ultimate say!

So for now, I will pray for my friend and for my growing boys. Thank you Lord for this past year, for our many blessings, good health and our wonderful friends and family. Now, i am off to Chandler's last baseball game and to dinner with friends...so No I can't promise I won't cry again!

Love, Melissa

Playing Baseball with Daddy

Last night, we had a fun evening with the boys. Chad grilled a great dinner and
we got to eat on the deck. Both of the boys were adorable.

After, Chad decided to play baseball with the boys... He wanted to work on fielding with Chandler...well, apparently Chad didn't catch one of Chandler's throws and the ball hit him in the eye! Chad was so tough about it, mainly to teach Chandler to be strong in baseball and keep playing... gosh, the things dad's do!

Here is a picture, Chad looks so cute, Chandler almost looks proud, huh!?

Laura is having a ???...

Today I got to keep my good friend Laura's two girls while she was having her ultrasound to find out what she is having. Later I picked up her two boys and Chandler from school...after that myself and all 6 kids headed to the park to play. Anxiously waiting for mommy and daddy to arrive to tell us all the news...I was so excited, stirring with wonder....

So when I saw them coming I rounded up all the children and yes...as I suspected- they are having a BOY!! They said he looked beautiful and healthy- the 3D ultrasound photos were amazing!! Yeah, I am so excited! So, now we can move along and start planing her baby shower!

I am so happy, another baby to love on! What a wonderful loving family for HIM to be a part of...I could not imagine having 5 children. But they do it so well, Laura gives me such strength.

I cannot wait until he is here, what a joy!




Oh and we also got to babysit 3 baby turtles, they were so cute! ~Melissa